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Self-Love and Leadership
Self-love and self-awareness are two critical elements of effective and transformative leadership. Today, I want to talk about self-love. My self-love journey has been long and hard-earned (and still is). I'm learning and growing in my ability to practice self-love daily - it is a practice, after all. Truly loving and being gentle with ourselves can be incredibly difficult, but it's necessary. Without self-love, we are more likely to burn out, struggle in relationships, and lack the confidence and courage to develop innovative solutions to problems.
From leading a team in the boardroom to taking control of a personal goal, having self-love is essential for success. No matter who you are or what you do, self-love is essential. When you love and appreciate yourself, it shows in everything you do. It comes across in your attitude, interactions, and overall approach to life and work. Plus, self-love is the foundation of all healthy relationships - with others and with ourselves. So if you want to be a more effective leader (or human being), start with self-love.
Self-love doesn't come easily for everyone. It didn't come easily for me. It's not something we have or don't have, but something we can practice and cultivate over time. Showing ourselves love, care, and tenderness in the face of life's challenges can sometimes seem impossible. But it's not impossible; it
will change how you live and lead for the better.
Defining self-love
Self-love is about honoring ourselves as whole beings, consciously practicing positive self-talk, listening to our bodies, and believing in our inherent worthiness. Self-love means finding joy in spending time alone and taking the necessary steps to redefine our lives to cultivate peace and progress. Self-love means leaving the prison of people pleasing and being true to ourselves. Self-love means taking time for self-care. Self-love means drawing boundaries and enforcing them without letting the guilt eat us alive.
Practicing self-love pushes us to be courageous enough to express our emotions openly, challenge limiting beliefs about ourselves, and prioritize ourselves in our lives. Ultimately, it's a journey that helps us build resilience while embracing inevitable successes and setbacks. Self-love isn't selfish.
We must first love ourselves to care for others fully and without reservation. When we take the time to care for ourselves mentally, emotionally, and physically, we become more resilient, empathetic, and loving. Self-love enables us to set healthy boundaries and communicate our needs effectively, leading to healthier relationships.
Prioritizing our own needs allows us to be more present for others without becoming resentful or burned out. Self-love is essential for our well-being AND the well-being of those around us.
The Brain and Behavior Research Foundation defines self-love as "a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological, and spiritual growth." I like this definition because it highlights the way that self-love is cultivated and grown through our actions as well as our thoughts. When we source our actions through self-love and spend time doing things that benefit our development overall, our self-love grows alongside our leadership capacity.
The benefits of self-love
Self-love is a complex concept, yet essential to how we view ourselves and our relationships with others. Learning how to truly see and value yourself internally can be transformational. Self-love leads to increased self-awareness, enhanced determination, reduced anxiety, better sleep, increased motivation, and better mental health outcomes. Self-love gives you an internally guided path that empowers you to create a life rooted in deeper meaning. Self-love is about liberation. Once we see our value and appreciate our human worth and potential - we are freed from the chains of perfectionism and the weight of other people's opinions about us.
We can't make everyone happy - no matter how hard we may try. When you are taking leadership in your organization or your life, this becomes very clear. Self-love gives you an anchor within yourself to hold you steady in the storms. You won't always be right. You will make mistakes. People will be unhappy with you. These things are unavoidable, but with self-love, you can feel grounded in yourself and open to learning and growing. Self-love makes us brave enough to take authentic steps forward, and it allows us to step back, reflect, and take responsibility when we have made mistakes.
For me, self-love shows up when I say the wrong thing and want to sink into a shame spiral. It's the voice inside that stands up to my inner critic and says, "It's okay. Everyone makes mistakes. That moment is past." Self-love is when I've had a long day and only accomplished half of the items on my to-do list and still stop working for the night. Self-love reminds me that I am still worthy of rest and play even when my productivity doesn't match the expectation I set for myself.
Self-love makes me better for the people around me, in my work and in my personal life. When my self-love starts to slip, and the inner critic wins a few internal battles, I'm not my best for others. I become grumpy and less present. When I'm coming from self-love, I'm more empathetic and less prone to defensiveness. I'm a more present and passionate person across the board when I am actively cultivating love for myself.
How to show yourself some love every day
We often remember to take care of ourselves when it's convenient, but it's essential to show yourself love daily. Practicing self-love does not have to be a costly or time-consuming activity. It can be as simple as taking a few minutes for some much-needed 'me-time' and doing something that brings you joy. Maybe it's a yoga class or listening to your favorite music, going for a walk or having a cup of tea and reflecting on the good in your life. Anything that allows you to tap into feeling valued or special is an example of how you can consciously choose to show yourself some love each and every day.
If you aren't sure where to start, here are some ideas:
Reconnect with yourself and your values Knowing your top 3-5 values that guide your life and aligning your actions with these values is an evidence-based way to invest in yourself and cultivate self-love. It feels good when we are connected to and living from our values.
Practice positive self-talk Sometimes, you must put the inner critic in its place and replace that negative internal dialogue with positive self-talk. Reminding ourselves of our strength, courage, and progress helps put things into perspective. The inner critic might say, "I messed up again - per usual. When will I learn? Why am I this way?" Positive self-talk says, "While I still have some learning to do here, I've come a long way and am proud of myself for that."
Learn to accept yourself, flaws and all Accepting our perceived flaws isn't about giving up on growth - it's about knowing that we are already worthy of love and belonging just as we are. When we love ourselves where we are, we make it safe to do the growing and healing work that is required of us at every stage of life and leadership.
Spend time alone in reflection Spending time alone with our thoughts, whether having quiet time in nature, self-reflecting via art creation or journalling, or formally meditating, is proven to support stress reduction and helps us to hear that quiet voice within that knows what we really need.
Take breaks and prioritize rest Self-love is resting when we are tired and playing when we take ourselves too seriously. Going at full-speed all day, day after day, without rest or play is a recipe for disaster and does not send your mind, body, or soul the message that it matters and is loved. Take a break. Rest. Play. It will make you better, I promise.
Why self-love is essential for leadership
As a leader, burnout is all too real, and according to Gallup, leadership burnout symptoms are on the rise.
When we don't prioritize self-care, it can easily lead to burnout and all of the negative consequences that come with it, including emotional exhaustion, depersonalization, cynicism, and reduced professional efficacy.
That's why self-love is essential for effective leadership. Self-love helps us develop burnout resilience, enabling us to stay strong in the face of stress and proactively take care of ourselves to remain focused on achieving our goals without compromising our mental health.
Embracing self-love isn't selfish--it's an essential investment in ourselves as leaders and will provide long-term benefits in terms of increased energy, well-being, employee engagement, and overall success. A 2013 qualitative research article by Nerisha Maharaj and Kurt A. April states, "In leadership, participants found this (lack of self-love) to be apparent in the form of de-humanization of employees through treating humans like machines with no empathy or authentic care for their well-being" (Maharaj & April, 2013). This highlights the negative consequences that arise not only for the leader, but for those who are guided by them when the leader has not sufficiently developed self-love.
Self-love creates leaders who can positively impact, influence, and inspire people to work together toward a common vision. Leaders who love themselves, love others more fully, and can make decisions that factor in the well-being of everyone involved, creating trust and dedication.
If you want to be a transformational leader at work, in your community, and in your life - self-love is not a "nice to have" it's a "must have." Self-love gives us the courage and confidence to make a difference in the world.
5 ways to lead with love (for yourself and others)
Love is a powerful emotion, and leading with love can have lasting effects on ourselves and others. Self-love motivates us to be the best versions of ourselves, to take care of our mental, physical and emotional health, and it offers us a sense of purpose.
Practicing ways to lead with love for others involves:
Active listening and presence
Offering words of encouragement and support
Showing compassion and empathy instead of judgment
Valuing each other’s differences
Actively choosing kindness and respect over hostility
Doing these things can create bonds that transcend barriers, enabling us to form strong connections that can positively impact our lives and those around us.
A challenge for you – 30 days of self-love
Self-love is key to making positive changes in your life and having a more fulfilling existence. The concept of self-love often throws people off because it seems so abstract; however, it can be made tangible when broken down into daily tasks.
Ready for a challenge?!
For the next 30 days, embrace self-love through intentional daily activities such as writing three things you love about yourself each day, noticing where your mind is drawn to negative thoughts and redirecting those into positive affirmations, or simply taking time to care for yourself from start to finish like you would with a loved one. Each day, do something to prioritize cultivating self-love and track it, so you don't miss a day by mistake.
It might seem daunting to prioritize self-love for 30 days, but stick with it. If nothing else, it will increase your awareness about how much you tend to put others before yourself and help you prioritize addressing this imbalance over the next 30 days.
If you try this, I would love to hear how it impacted you in the comments!
Showing yourself some love becomes easier when you have the right tools and techniques. When you make self-love a priority, it benefits not just you – but also those around you. As a leader, making sure that your cup is full first allows you to show up as your best self for others and set the example of what it looks like to live a life filled with love.
So, take some time to show yourself some love today and every day.
Warmly,
-Kayla
If you’re ready to take the next step in your journey toward becoming a leader who loves themselves and others unconditionally, I’d love to chat with you about how coaching can help. Schedule a free discovery call with me today to clarify where you are on your self-love and burnout resilience journey and determine what next steps are best for you.
Kayla M. Sweet is the owner, operator, and primary service provider at Internally Guided Leadership Consulting LLC.
Kayla has her BA in Psychology and her MA in Consciousness and Transformative Studies. She specializes in Transformational Leadership and Consciousness and Healing.
Kayla has over a decade of experience in leadership and management and has most recently served in human resources and mental health settings. She currently offers leadership coaching, consulting, and training in alignment with her mission of inspiring loving action worldwide by empowering heart-centered leaders to live with balance.
Sources:
Andleeb Asghar. "The science of self-love: the evidence-based benefits of loving yourself" Ness Labs, accessed 3/26/2023
Brain and Behavior Research Foundation Staff. "Self-Love and What It Means" Brain and Behavior Research Foundation, accessed 3/26/2023 https://www.bbrfoundation.org/blog/self-love-and-what-it-means
Gurpreet Kaur. "6 Ways Practicing Self-Love Will Make You a Better Leader" Entrepreneur, Accessed on 3/26/2023
Madhavi Guemoes. "WHY RESTING IS A SIGN OF SELF-LOVE" Madhavi, Accessed 3/26/2023
Megan Minutillo. "Make Self-Reflection A Part Of Your Self-Love Practice" Thought Catalogue, Accessed on 3/26/2023
Nerisha Maharaj and Kurt A. April (2013). The power of self-love in the evolution of leadership and employee engagement. Problems and Perspectives in Management, 11(4) Accessed on 3/26/2023
Peter Willis. "Why clarifying your values boosts self esteem & confidence, & the Hawaiian concept of Pono" Unchain Your Brain, Accessed 3/26/2023
Ryan Haddon. "How To Practice Self-Acceptance (And Why That's Not The Same As Complacency)" MBGMindfulness, Accessed 3/26/2023
Ryan Light. "Common Self-Love Obstacles People Face" Beat Anxiety, Accessed 3/26/2023 https://beatanxiety.me/common-self-love-obstacles-people-face/
Shonna Walters. "The power of positive self talk (and how you can use it)" BetterUp, Accessed 3/26/2023
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The Internally Guided Leadership Blog is the property of Internally Guided Leadership Consulting LLC. It is not to be reproduced, sold, or distributed without permission and appropriate credit given to Internally Guided Leadership LLC and content creator Kayla M. Sweet. This blog is promoting Internally Guided Leadership LLC's services, including but not limited to coaching programs, 1:1 coaching, and leadership consulting.
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